ASK AMY: Trailer trip can be a hero’s journey

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Dear Amy: I am a 66 year old gay man. I’ve been watching “Dave”, who is 64, for about six months.

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So far, this is “just friends”. Our relationship is platonic.

Dave has met my sisters and friends and they think he’s wonderful. Me too!

He broke up with “Michael” just before I met him. He hasn’t seen anyone else in the last two months.

Dave and I are going to do a trailer in a few weeks. The anticipation is killing me. During the trip, I will meet your 90-year-old mother.

I’ve been single for many years. My last ex was my best friend who died four years ago.

I continue to see other men for casual sex. “Dave” knows, and he said, “Be who you are, don’t change.”

We’ve already talked about monogamy (we were both monogamous in our past relationships).

My fear is that I can’t be monogamous even though I want 1000%.

I feel like a 16 year old in my passion and love, now erring on the side of friendship.

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In the past, I was accused (by an ex) of ambivalence, but now I feel consumed by the need to be by his side.

His ex was controlling to the nth degree.

How do I balance his aversion to control where I want to see him the most?

I think I have at least 10 more good years, and I’ve finally found the best.

I want this!

– Tom

Dear Tom: So far, you and “Dave” are taking things very slowly – and it seems to me that in terms of this relationship, you’re making good choices.

You’ve proven that you can communicate well, and so you should keep going.

Does he want a complete, non-platonic, monogamous relationship with you? You should ask him. You must also be completely transparent about your concerns about your own preferences and past experiences.

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If he values ​​monogamy and still doesn’t care if you keep seeing other people, then it’s possible he’s not ready – or unwilling – to commit to you.

Accept your choices and this ambiguity with as much openness and equanimity as you can.

Your being open about your feelings and your fears is only speaking to your own experience – not trying to control it. His past ambivalence may speak of a deep fear of being hurt, but taking that leap into total trust – his and yours – is the brave, romantic VR hero journey you’re taking.

Speaking as someone who found “the best” later in life, I would like to witness the transformative nature of a truly committed relationship between two equals.

If you want it, then go get it.

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Dear Amy: A few months ago, a group of my co-workers went out for happy hour. We were talking about how our jobs can make relationships challenging. I mentioned a coworker going through a divorce. I didn’t mention her name, but another co-worker said, “Oh, you’re talking about ‘Tammy’! She is a good friend of mine!”

Everyone knows and likes Tammy. We were all in agreement that we didn’t like what her husband was putting her through.

Tammy called me and said she heard I was talking about her. Whoever told her that said I told the group some terrible things about her son and ex-husband.

I told her I never said what she was accusing me of. Nobody else said that, either. It was completely untrue.

I told her that the person who shared this false information is obviously someone she trusts. I can tell she doesn’t believe me.

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I don’t know if I should demand that she tell me who said this about me, or if I should leave it alone. I really like her and I’m sad about how she now perceives me.

– Repentant Gossip Girl

Dear Sorry: Do not duplicate by extending the drama. You can contact “Tammy” to say, “Your good opinion means a lot to me. I want to repeat that I would never spread or repeat malicious gossip about you.”

Dear Amy: I was so disappointed in your response to “Young Wife!” This woman’s in-laws were staying in her apartment (the young couple was staying elsewhere), and the mother-in-law was cleaning and washing the couple’s clothes!

No one should touch another person’s possessions. This is an important border issue.

– Upset

Dear Upset: I stated that the mother-in-law was trying to be helpful. If the older woman missed or overstepped, her daughter-in-law should kindly let her know.

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